Hello Loves!
I hope yall had a lovely Labor Day;) I really couldn't have asked for a better one myself. I spent it with almost everyone who is near and dear to me. But alas, all things must come to an end, right? Tuesday I found myself on the connector, smack-dab in the middle of rush hour!! All my CDs are at home and no one is answering the phone...and to add to my misery, the only thing that's half worth listening to on the radio is the Michael Baisden show. For any of you that know me, you know that at this point I'm contemplating running out into oncoming traffic...if only it were moving faster than 5 miles an hour!
Okay, so you might be wondering why I dislike Michael Basden so much. Well to be honest...I think he's a douche. His view points on love, sex, and relationships are severely skewed and he always seems to have this pompous/pretentious way of talking to or about people who have different views or stronger values about marriage, love, and sex. Many times he talks about cheating on his show, and Tuesday was one of those days.
Surprisingly, he brings up a very interesting topic. He makes a comment that in his opinion, women are more forgiving when it comes to cheating spouses than men are. At first I didn't know how to take that. Is he saying we are weaker and more needy, therefore we easily disregard our mates infidelity? Or is he saying that in fact women are stronger and can move passed a bruised ego if the relationship is worth fighting for? Hell, it may be both! But what that got me thinking about is the difference between a man cheating and a woman cheating. I've had this discussion many time and have seen both scenarios played out in front of me; and from my experience I would have to say there is a difference...generally speaking.
When men cheat it typically has nothing to do with where their heart is, and more so with where his head is...if you catch my drift. There really are only 3 factors that play in a man's likelihood of cheating; 1) The probability of getting caught, 2) The uniqueness or rarity of the "other woman", and 3) impaired judgment brought on by outside substances or environment. For example, if you and all your friends and family live in Idaho and your boyfriend goes on a business trip to Sidney where he meets Beyonce and they both get super drunk and Beyonce starts coming on to him, the likelihood of him cheating is like 90% (even though the likelihood of that scenario ever happening is like .2%).
Now I'm not saying if your guy finds himself in that kind of situation he will cheat. Because there is something that trumps all of that. If your man is at point in his life where cheating does not appeal to him and he is of sound character, all those factors could be at play and he would never cheat. My point is, either way, whether he cheats or doesn't, it generally has little to do with how much he loves you. Thus making it easier for some women to forgive them.
On the other hand, there are fewer instances of women cheating without an emotional attachment. That's why statistically, when a woman cheats its most often an affair rather than a one night stand. You'll also find that while men can cheat with women who they may not find attractive, women most often cheat with men they consider more attractive (physically or in some other way) than their partner. They need some form of connection to whom they are being physical with, and its usually that connection that drives them to cheating in the first place. While there may only be 3 factors that contribute to why men cheat, the reasons for why women cheat are innumerable. Thus making it harder for men to forgive a cheating woman.
Personally, if I found out that my man had cheated on me, even if I knew it had nothing to do with his love for me, and even if I knew it was only one time, it would be a deal breaker. At this point in my life, its not about rather my man loves me, because I know he does; Its about his character and being on the same level a maturity in regards to our relationship. It also has to deal with respect. As you know, in any relationship, there has to be more than just love there in order to have a happy and successful life together. And if there is cheating involved, obviously something very important is missing.
What do yall think? Is there a difference between men and women cheating? Do women forgive easier than men? Hmmmmmm. LOL
Until next time...remember, Alls Fair In Love,
xoxo
Elise Alls
AllsFairNLove@gmail.com
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Drama, Drama, Drama!
Hello Loves!
I have a question for you. Do you remember those horrible videos they use to advertise on infomercials about freak accidents caught on film? Do you remember how terrible it was to watch, but for some reason you continued to look on in horror? Well, that's what its been like for me these past few months as I observed some of the most volatile relationships I've ever seen. I mean I feel like I've seen it all! From the demanding and nagging wife or the controlling violent husband, to the naive girlfriend and the 3 baby-mama-having/cheating boyfriend. And do you know what the common denominator is with all these "relationships"?? D-R-A-M-A!
Its almost like they feed off of it. I mean the ones with the cheating boyfriends constantly complain about other females calling their phone. They update their Facebook status with personal messages to the other woman...airing their business out for all to see. They come up with elaborate schemes to catch their boyfriends in a lie. They check phone records, credit card reciepts, ect. And when they do find something (because they always find something) it's World War III. I mean rocks through windows, breaking into their Facebook accounts and posting embarrassing information, calling their mothers to tell them how horrible their son is. And at the end of it all do you know what happens??? Yeah, you guessed it. THEY ARE BACK TOGETHER! Its like your own live soap opera. The crazy thing is, when they're in front of people they are always the ones who are the most affectionate. They can't keep their hands off of each other.
You know the ones that are always so passionate in public. Its like they're overcompensating for something that's missing in the relationship...or trying to prove something to themselves, like, "Look how much we kiss and touch each other....we LOVE each other!" Ugh. And It's not just those with cheating boyfriends either. The relationship with the demanding and nagging woman is the worst. She's constantly tearing her husband down in public. Whenever possible, she seems to pick fights with him. It could be something as small as bringing home the wrong bread. "What kind of bread is this?" "Are you stupid??" "I mean do you listen to anything I say. That's why we always fight cause you always have to do things your way and you don't know how to listen!" I'm telling you no lie, this dialog actually exists. But it's the same end results...extremely passionate make up sex.
In fact, every single volatile relationship I can think of was also an extremely passionate one as well. I've come to the conclusion that the people in these types of relationships thrive off drama. They don't know how to function without it. They get bored or disinterested in their partner and create reason in their mind to cause drama or to start an argument. They see a relationships as a never ending series of make-ups and break-ups. How EXHAUSTING!
I guess if drama is what it takes for you and your partner to be happy together then who am I to disagree but I can't help but wonder if drama-filled relationships have any longevity. I've seen the boyfriend and girlfriend who are constantly arguing and struggling with infidelity get married. The arguing and purported cheating is still prevalent in the relationship...but just as much as I hear about the lies and the fights, I hear about the awesome love life. Could it really be that drama serves as a key element in the survival of some couples and a catalyst for a passionate love-life?? Or could it be the passionate sex that keeps the two together in-spite of the drama?? Either way, I have strong doubts that if you're involved in a drama-filled relationship, that you and your partner are in an emotionally healthy situation.
But hey, you guys know how the saying goes...Alls Fair In Love!
Until next time...xoxo,
Elise Alls
AllsFairNLove@gmail.com
I have a question for you. Do you remember those horrible videos they use to advertise on infomercials about freak accidents caught on film? Do you remember how terrible it was to watch, but for some reason you continued to look on in horror? Well, that's what its been like for me these past few months as I observed some of the most volatile relationships I've ever seen. I mean I feel like I've seen it all! From the demanding and nagging wife or the controlling violent husband, to the naive girlfriend and the 3 baby-mama-having/cheating boyfriend. And do you know what the common denominator is with all these "relationships"?? D-R-A-M-A!
Its almost like they feed off of it. I mean the ones with the cheating boyfriends constantly complain about other females calling their phone. They update their Facebook status with personal messages to the other woman...airing their business out for all to see. They come up with elaborate schemes to catch their boyfriends in a lie. They check phone records, credit card reciepts, ect. And when they do find something (because they always find something) it's World War III. I mean rocks through windows, breaking into their Facebook accounts and posting embarrassing information, calling their mothers to tell them how horrible their son is. And at the end of it all do you know what happens??? Yeah, you guessed it. THEY ARE BACK TOGETHER! Its like your own live soap opera. The crazy thing is, when they're in front of people they are always the ones who are the most affectionate. They can't keep their hands off of each other.
You know the ones that are always so passionate in public. Its like they're overcompensating for something that's missing in the relationship...or trying to prove something to themselves, like, "Look how much we kiss and touch each other....we LOVE each other!" Ugh. And It's not just those with cheating boyfriends either. The relationship with the demanding and nagging woman is the worst. She's constantly tearing her husband down in public. Whenever possible, she seems to pick fights with him. It could be something as small as bringing home the wrong bread. "What kind of bread is this?" "Are you stupid??" "I mean do you listen to anything I say. That's why we always fight cause you always have to do things your way and you don't know how to listen!" I'm telling you no lie, this dialog actually exists. But it's the same end results...extremely passionate make up sex.
In fact, every single volatile relationship I can think of was also an extremely passionate one as well. I've come to the conclusion that the people in these types of relationships thrive off drama. They don't know how to function without it. They get bored or disinterested in their partner and create reason in their mind to cause drama or to start an argument. They see a relationships as a never ending series of make-ups and break-ups. How EXHAUSTING!
I guess if drama is what it takes for you and your partner to be happy together then who am I to disagree but I can't help but wonder if drama-filled relationships have any longevity. I've seen the boyfriend and girlfriend who are constantly arguing and struggling with infidelity get married. The arguing and purported cheating is still prevalent in the relationship...but just as much as I hear about the lies and the fights, I hear about the awesome love life. Could it really be that drama serves as a key element in the survival of some couples and a catalyst for a passionate love-life?? Or could it be the passionate sex that keeps the two together in-spite of the drama?? Either way, I have strong doubts that if you're involved in a drama-filled relationship, that you and your partner are in an emotionally healthy situation.
But hey, you guys know how the saying goes...Alls Fair In Love!
Until next time...xoxo,
Elise Alls
AllsFairNLove@gmail.com
Monday, August 9, 2010
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Today's Love Note: Let's Be Friends
Hello Loves!
Today's Love Note was inspired by a current...situation my friends and I have found ourselves in. Throughout the majority of our friendship we always had a group of male counterparts to chill with. A group of guys to invite over to home gatherings, birthday celebrations, game night, etc. Just a group of friends that balance all the estrogen in the room. But lately we've realized that our little get togethers are looking more and more like a girl's night in. Somewhere along the line between 3-4 year relationships, break ups, graduating, new careers, and moving, we've lost contact with our guy friends. So we set out on a mission to make new friends.
Only problem is...how do you just randomly make guy friends that aren't constantly trying to get with you?? Is it even possible? Thinking back, out of all of our groups of guy friends, at least one of us ended up dating one of them. So I pose the age old question to my lovely followers: Can men and women really be platonic friends? After consulting with a few guys I discovered that the male consensus was pretty much a "Hell NO!" They all said that the only way those relationships work is when the female has made it known there is no interest. However, the guy will always be ready and willing to take it to the next level. So Lovers, what do you say...are we attempting the impossible here or can men and women really JUST be friends?
Today's Love Note was inspired by a current...situation my friends and I have found ourselves in. Throughout the majority of our friendship we always had a group of male counterparts to chill with. A group of guys to invite over to home gatherings, birthday celebrations, game night, etc. Just a group of friends that balance all the estrogen in the room. But lately we've realized that our little get togethers are looking more and more like a girl's night in. Somewhere along the line between 3-4 year relationships, break ups, graduating, new careers, and moving, we've lost contact with our guy friends. So we set out on a mission to make new friends.
Only problem is...how do you just randomly make guy friends that aren't constantly trying to get with you?? Is it even possible? Thinking back, out of all of our groups of guy friends, at least one of us ended up dating one of them. So I pose the age old question to my lovely followers: Can men and women really be platonic friends? After consulting with a few guys I discovered that the male consensus was pretty much a "Hell NO!" They all said that the only way those relationships work is when the female has made it known there is no interest. However, the guy will always be ready and willing to take it to the next level. So Lovers, what do you say...are we attempting the impossible here or can men and women really JUST be friends?
Monday, July 26, 2010
Close But No Cigar
Tonight is the night. You've resisted your current McSteamy for as long as you can. The physical tension between you two is about to burst at the seams. In your mind you've played this very night over and over again. You invite him in. Your room is already doused in your most sensual fragrance. Candles are lit and on this very special occasion...your panties and bra are a perfect lacy-match. You know something extraordinary is going down tonight...hell, just his kiss is damn-near orgasmic! The way he moves and caresses you, there’s no doubt in your mind that your new beau is a maverick in the bedroom. The countdown begins; 5...shoes come off...4 ...belt and pants hit the floor...3...shirts and undies follow...2...he's suited-n-booted....1...LAUNCH OFF!
Wait a minute...Houston, we have a problem. Seems like your McSteamy was nothing but hot air! A total disappointment. Not only was your love marathon more like a stroll around the corner, but you two had about as much chemistry as a 5th grade English class. How could this have happened? And what do you do now??? Is the relationship over? But you really like this guy! Help!!
Dr. Trina Read, who has obtained a doctorate in human sexuality, notes that even though men say they want the truth, being blatantly honest about their "short-comings" in the bedroom can be devastating to their fragile male egos. Ironically, she also states the key to repairing and improving a sub-par sex life with your man is, you guessed it, open and honest communication. But how do you do that without striking a deadly blow to his manhood?
Enters Dr. Brian Parker, sexologist and the creator of two sexual intimacy board games "Embrace" and "Pillow Talk". Dr. Parker suggests it’s all about the timing and delivery. There's nothing more men like than to have their egos stroked every now and then. Dr. Brian says keep doing it. "Research shows that men and women respond better to positive reinforcement, so make sure that you compliment your man when he does something that feels good," states Dr. Parker. "Then, casually slip in what you’d actually like him to do to you."
It's a proven fact that women who use phrases like "instead of" rather than "I don’t like it when…" have successfully helped their man’s sexual performance. Dr. Parker suggest using the tried and true, "I Statement". For instance, try saying "I love it when you (insert something dirty here)," or "how about you (insert something even dirtier here)". Stay clear from negative reinforcement by using “You Statements” such as, “You never do (insert desired act)” or “You suck at….”.
So Lovers, there you have it! Add a little instructive/constructive pillow talk to your sexual regime and your love machine will be running in top-notch form before you know it. And remember, especially all the men out there with delicate egos, when you can’t express your sexual concerns openly, you lose out sexually. And ladies, while his ego might be momentarily scarred, even he will thank you when he learns what you really want. It’s like I always say people….Alls Fair In Love!
Xoxo
Elise Alls
AllsFairNLove@gmail.com
Monday, July 19, 2010
Today's Love Note: I'm A Big Girl Now
So its needless to say that times have changed as far as what is acceptable behavior for women in relationships and sex. Thirty years ago if you were living in the same house with a man that's not your husband, noses would be turned up at you...now it is quite the opposite. But even with this change in society, I find women still having the need to justify their actions in the bedroom. You know what I'm talking about. The ol' "Hell, I'm grown" excuse so many of us use to justify something "risque" we just did. But what does that even mean?? If sleeping with someone on the first date was slutty to you when you were 16 why is it different at 25? If it was dangerous to get in bed with someone you barely knew in high school, what makes it safer now that you have a career? Is being "grown" a true validation for some of our sexual acquisitions or just an excuse to give into our desires without feeling like a rebellious teenager?
What do you think Loves?
What do you think Loves?
New Addition: The Love Note
Hello To All My Lovely Followers!
Okay first let me start with a heart-felt apology for my absence recently. I have been out of town for nearly this entire month with no access to a computer!! Yes, pure torture! The whole time I was thinking of you all and my mind was filled with new discussion topics. Unfortunately, I couldn't upload full post from my phone. So I came up with an idea to start doing Love Notes twice a week. A Love Note is a simple question, thought, idea, etc, designed to get feedback from, guess who, you guys! This way we can keep the Girl Talk going even when...I'm on the GO!
Oh and don't forget, I want to talk about what you want to hear! So e-mail me your love, sex, and/or relationship questions or issues and I'll post what the experts have to say on the matter. It can be completely anonymous...your secret is safe with me;) Send them to AllsFairNLove@gmail.com!
Okay first let me start with a heart-felt apology for my absence recently. I have been out of town for nearly this entire month with no access to a computer!! Yes, pure torture! The whole time I was thinking of you all and my mind was filled with new discussion topics. Unfortunately, I couldn't upload full post from my phone. So I came up with an idea to start doing Love Notes twice a week. A Love Note is a simple question, thought, idea, etc, designed to get feedback from, guess who, you guys! This way we can keep the Girl Talk going even when...I'm on the GO!
Oh and don't forget, I want to talk about what you want to hear! So e-mail me your love, sex, and/or relationship questions or issues and I'll post what the experts have to say on the matter. It can be completely anonymous...your secret is safe with me;) Send them to AllsFairNLove@gmail.com!
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