Close But No Cigar

Tonight is the night. You've resisted your current McSteamy for as long as you can. The physical tension between you two is about to burst at the seams. In your mind you've played this very night over and over again. You invite him in. Your room is already doused in your most sensual fragrance. Candles are lit and on this very special occasion...your panties and bra are a perfect lacy-match. You know something extraordinary is going down tonight...hell, just his kiss is damn-near orgasmic! The way he moves and caresses you, there’s no doubt in your mind that your new beau is a maverick in the bedroom. The countdown begins; 5...shoes come off...4 ...belt and pants hit the floor...3...shirts and undies follow...2...he's suited-n-booted....1...LAUNCH OFF!

Wait a minute...Houston, we have a problem. Seems like your McSteamy was nothing but hot air! A total disappointment. Not only was your love marathon more like a stroll around the corner, but you two had about as much chemistry as a 5th grade English class. How could this have happened? And what do you do now??? Is the relationship over? But you really like this guy! Help!!

Dr. Trina Read, who has obtained a doctorate in human sexuality, notes that even though men say they want the truth, being blatantly honest about their "short-comings" in the bedroom can be devastating to their fragile male egos. Ironically, she also states the key to repairing and improving a sub-par sex life with your man is, you guessed it, open and honest communication. But how do you do that without striking a deadly blow to his manhood?

Enters Dr. Brian Parker, sexologist and the creator of two sexual intimacy board games "Embrace" and "Pillow Talk". Dr. Parker suggests it’s all about the timing and delivery. There's nothing more men like than to have their egos stroked every now and then. Dr. Brian says keep doing it. "Research shows that men and women respond better to positive reinforcement, so make sure that you compliment your man when he does something that feels good," states Dr. Parker. "Then, casually slip in what you’d actually like him to do to you."

It's a proven fact that women who use phrases like "instead of" rather than "I don’t like it when…" have successfully helped their man’s sexual performance. Dr. Parker suggest using the tried and true, "I Statement". For instance, try saying "I love it when you (insert something dirty here)," or "how about you (insert something even dirtier here)". Stay clear from negative reinforcement by using “You Statements” such as, “You never do (insert desired act)” or “You suck at….”.

So Lovers, there you have it! Add a little instructive/constructive pillow talk to your sexual regime and your love machine will be running in top-notch form before you know it. And remember, especially all the men out there with delicate egos, when you can’t express your sexual concerns openly, you lose out sexually. And ladies, while his ego might be momentarily scarred, even he will thank you when he learns what you really want. It’s like I always say people….Alls Fair In Love!

Xoxo

Elise Alls
AllsFairNLove@gmail.com