A Brave New World

Welcome Loves!

Today I am in a reflective mood. I've been thinking all day about how I got to where I am now. Financially, spiritually, and emotionally. My journey to the present has been an eventful one. I've changed so much from that 16 year old girl who believed everything in a relationship should be 50/50, to the now 24 year old woman who knows sometimes in a relationship, at some point, one partner will most likely have to give 60/40 or 75/25. I've learned in a mature relationship there will be compromises and times when one person will have to support the other just little more, whether it is emotionally or financially. But real men and women who have real love and respect for each other will grow together during those times, as opposed to tearing each other down. It’s funny how life can do that to you, isn't it?? How you can believe something your whole life and then one experience can change your mind or open your eyes. Sometimes though, I wonder, "Is it me that's changing, or the world around me...or both?"

I had a conversation with this girl a few weeks ago (we'll call her Testy-Tessa) and she told me her and her boyfriend of 3 months had not yet had sex. I thought to myself, "Wow, it's rare to see a relationship these days that go on that long without sex...kudos to you for making him wait!" Luckily, that was just a thought as it was not the case! As it turns out, Tessa told her boyfriend they could not have sex until he got tested. By the way, did I mention that they have been dating for 3 months now?? So needless to say, the test had not been taken. Apparently the guy was not comfortable with taking the test. He had never been asked to do this before and felt, I guess the best word is, insulted?

I thought about this for a while. My first reaction was that it’s smart on Tessa's part to demand that before they start their physical relationship they need to get tested. Then I thought back to when I was a freshman in college. Would I have felt the same way then? I remember distinctly having a conversation with a friend in college who refused to simply ask her boyfriend about his sexual past. She would say, "The past is the past girl...I don't want or need to know who he's been with before me!" "Just make sure you're safe...no need to have that in the back of your mind." To be honest I kind of bought into that...for a very brief moment. But my point is, if I heard someone say that today I would think they were gambling with their life. I had to ask myself, is this a sign that the world has just gotten too sexually brazen, so much so that it is now the norm for the first test of the relationship to be an STD test. Was the guy completely justified to be taken aback by such a demand? Or are we just older and wiser now. Are we now mature enough to not be afraid to get straight to the point and ask "how many?", "how long ago?", and "when was your last test?"

I never did find out if Testy-Tessa got what she was asking for, but I’m sure she didn’t think that her demands would lead to her will power being the one ultimately getting tested! Tessa if you’re reading this, stay strong girl…and remember, Alls Fair in Love!

WHAT THE EXPERTS HAVE TO SAY: Today I’m going to pull from the book “Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man” by Steve Harvey. At one point in the book Steve talks about how a man feels when a woman asks for details about his past. He says “Yes –it makes us uncomfortable…still you have the right to know about your man’s past.” He goes on to stress that timing is everything. You’re probably not going to want to ask a guy on the first date how many people he has slept with and when was the last time he got tested…at least not a guy you plan on keeping around for long. So when is the right time to ask these questions? Well that is a matter of when you plan on being intimate with this person…and that’s a WHOLE other story for another day! 

Xoxo,

Elise
AllsFairNLove@gmail.com