A Change Is Coming

Hello Loves!

I hope your week was, well...lovely! Mine was amazing. It's definitely summer time and love is in the (100 degree) air. Every time I turn around someone is getting engaged, married, finding new love, etc. I can't help but think it’s the change in weather that is responsible for heating up everyone's love life (pun intended). Even those who I thought would never find what they were looking for have stumbled upon their "perfect match".

I got a call from an old friend a few weeks ago and as we were catching up she told me she had a new beau. So my interest was immediately peaked. One, because anyone who knows me knows I'm extremely nosey (now there's some alliteration for ya)...and two, because to say this girl has bad luck with men would be the understatement of the century. So, as all these types of conversations go, I begin to ask the predictable and essential questions; "Where'd you meet?" "What does he do?" "How long have you been seeing him?" You know the drill. To give you the quick and dirty, he's an accountant who graduated from a University in his hometown. They met while she was visiting friends for the holidays there and they've been seeing each other since. He comes from a very conservative and religious family.

So this guy seems okay, right? WRONG! I've known this girl for at least 10 years and there is not one thing conservative or religious about her. She is a liberal to the fullest degree and in every sense of the word. If they were still burning bras in the middle of the street this girl would be leading the pack. I don't ever remember her setting foot inside a church, synagogue, mosque, or cathedral, and to say her sexual past was a little sketchy would be a compliment. Now don't get me wrong, she's a great friend but needless to say, sometimes I did worry about her frequent reckless behavior. And now she’s dating Mr. Straight-and-Narrow??? I really hate to say this, but as soon as she tells me about this guy I’m thinking this won’t last. Although, she has been known to change her persona to fit into her current love-interest’s ideal image of the perfect girlfriend…this guy was on the total opposite end of the spectrum. I foresee too many arguments…to many differences in opinion on fundamental beliefs. How could this work?

Fast forward to last weekend. My friend comes down to visit and we go out to catch up. I begin to order our first round of cocktails when she stops me mid-order. “I don’t drink anymore” she says. WOW! This is great. We have all been encouraging her to stop for a while but she has refused to admit there was a problem. I thought to myself how mature she has become. As the night continued I discovered even more changes in my friend. She had done a complete 180! Her political views, interests, and beliefs had all changed. Some of the change was good for her but some were just too out of character for her that I began to get a little worried. It was obvious Mr. Straight-and-Narrow was the source of the change. All her sentences began with, “Well, my boyfriend doesn’t think I should…” or “My boyfriend thinks….and I agree.”

Even though the changes she had made were for the most part positive, I couldn’t fully be happy for her despite my most sincere attempts. I guess I felt like the changes weren’t made because she decided that it was best for her, or that her eyes were open to a better and healthier way of life, but more so because she wanted to please someone else. She changed her world so she could exist in his. She wasn’t being true to herself or her beliefs. And to me, she was doing an injustice to not only herself but to him also. I mean, how long can you keep up the charade?? Eventually, if you haven’t changed for the right reasons, your true colors will begin to show.

So after much thought I decided to bring up my concerns to my friend. To my surprise, she responded with assuredness and clarity that sometimes in a relationship, if you really love someone, you have to give up a part of yourself in order to coexist peacefully. “It’s called compromise Elise,” she said derisively. Well, what more could I say after that. She’s made up her mind and I’ve learned from the ongoing feud between Heidi and Lauren, never to start an argument with a friend over who they’re dating. I guess time will only tell if she’s right or wrong…but it does bring up a good point; There is a thin line between compromise and sacrifice. Especially at the age of 25-30 and living in Atlanta where the men to women ratio is practically 20-80. Compromising is just part of the territory. But how much are we willing to compromise to find someone…enough to eventually lose ourselves??

Well there’s some food for thought for all my single ladies out there. Just remember while you’re navigating the mean streets singledom…Alls Fair In Love!

Xoxo

Elise Alls
AllsFairNLove@gmail.com