Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
An Excerpt from the Experts
Today I wanted to post something straight from the "experts". I put experts in quotation because the author I'm going to feature today has admitted he has no degree in sociology, he's not a doctor, or relationship guru. Everything he says is coming from his experience as man, a husband, boyfriend, and father. I'm talking about Mr. Steve Harvey. It seems odd that a comedian could have really anything of value to offer regarding relationships and love, right? But after thinking about it I realized it's just like when females ask our brothers, fathers, or guy friends to be honest with us and tell us what they think from a "man's point of view". And that's exactly what he does. I actually enjoyed his first book, "Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man" and was curious to see what else he had to offer from his second book, "Straight Talk, No Chaser: How to Find, Keep, and Understand a Man". I haven't finished it yet, but I've already read some things I wish some females that I know would read and apply to their lives. So with that being said, today I'm going to share an excerpt that talks about the importance of having your ish together when you walk up out the house! lol Enjoy:
"A woman who cares about herself and how she presents herself to the world, and looks like she'd elevate our game, is the woman who will get our attention; she's the one who will make a man down a shot, pat his boys on the back, and then take what feels like a twenty-mile walk through a crowded club to ask you for a dance, or work his way over to the vegetable section in the grocery store to strike up a conversation about the difference between Roma and vine-ripened tomatoes just so that he can talk to you.
Before you get too bent out of shape about what I'm saying here, keep in mind that this philosophy was taught to me by my mother, who dressed whenever she left the house – and she did this even though she was married already. [The man] will know up front he's dealing with a person who cares about herself. The way you dress is an extension of you. If you're seriously open to a relationship, why miss the opportunity of meeting someone because you didn't pull it together before you left the house? I'm telling you, a single woman who is serious about finding a man can't afford days where she totally lets it all go. In the event Mr. Right is somewhere in the vicinity, you have to be prepared to look the part of Mrs. Right. And if you’re not looking the part, a man will not imagine you in the part either.
For the first five or six months of [My wife and I ] being together, she always pulled it together - even when we were together in private. If she took a nap, she would go into the bathroom and freshen up before joining me. This sent a strong signal my way because any woman with a guy in my position is going to be in the spotlight too, and by doing little things to always be on point when it was just the two of us, she demonstrated that she could handle this role were our relationship to deepen. The same holds true for every guy - not just a celebrity whose mate's picture will be in magazines. Every guy earning a paycheck does this because at the end of the day he needs to have a lady on his arm who will make him feel as if he's doing well (or at least better than he really is)."
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Keep Him In The Box
Happy New Year Loves!
Can you believe its 2011?? Does that even sound right? 2011. Where did 2010 go? Well, hopefully the passing of one year and the beginning of another marks the start of new adventures, goals, and (yes, you guessed it) …LOVE for all my singles out there! And seeing that it’s the start of a new year it seems only right that my first post in 2011 be about starting a new romance.
Nowadays, it seems that starting a new relationship is even more difficult than it’s ever been. There is so much more BS you have to put up with it seems. You have the men that feel that they are God’s gift to all women. You know the ones that can carry on an hour long conversation…alone…about themselves. Ugh. Or the losers, the bums, the complete waste of space who’s future goals are to get by in life via good looks, mama’s paycheck and the support of any woman desperate enough to mess with him. Of course the same applies to women. I know it can be just as hard….hmmm…let me rephrase. I know it can be frustrating for men as well looking for love;)
So what can all the real and honest people who are looking for love do to avoid wasting their time and affection on those who are not worthy? The answer is, become a systematic decision-maker. Okay, I know some of you are hitting me with blank stares right now. Lol Let me explain. Over the past few months I’ve been reading this book entitled, Discovering Your Future in a Global Society. It’s all about helping you discover your personality type which then allows you to make better life decisions. It mainly focuses on career decisions, but after reading it I realized that many of the concepts could apply to your love life…especially the ones dealing with your personal decision making style. Okay so basically there are two distinct decision making styles: systematic and spontaneous.
A spontaneous person makes a quick, intuitive decision and later tests it against information. A systematic decision-maker gathers a lot of information before making a decision and is often slower to make a commitment. So I’ve seen my fair share of mis-matched couplings that ended in disaster to know that most of us are spontaneous decision-makers when it comes to love. We go with that feeling in our gut (the butterflies) that tell us he/she might be the one well before we’ve done our proper due diligence. Then down the road after we’ve took things to the next level, we discover we’ve made a mistake and the culprit has walked away with our emotions, time, and intimacy.
So how does a being a systematic decision make deter that behavior? The best way I can explain is through example and my roommate is THE definition of a systematic, decision-maker. A few weeks before the infamous Black Friday we found this ad in the paper for a 40”, 720p, LCD, Flat screen for only $248. Awesome deal, right!? So of course we looked up a few reviews on the TV that day. Like the average consumer I was satisfied after that and of course consulting with my better half. My roommate, on the other hand, spent the remainder of the 2 weeks researching this TV like she was studying for the SATs. Come Black Friday she gets to the store to find the line wrapped around the building. After hours of standing in the cold with the other mobsters willing to bare the cold in the wee hours of the morning for their electronic heart’s desire, they finally get in! And what do you know just one more on the shelf. As she makes a mad dash toward the TV, in a matter of seconds someone swoops in from the sideline and picks it up. The story of our lives right, ladies;) Too many “buyers” not enough “merchandise”. But I digress.
Fortunately, she sees another TV on sale. Not as enticing as the other but still a great deal. It’s a 32”, 720p, Sony. She ends up buying the 32” and brings it home. And what does she do next? You’d think after all that waiting, research and madness and finally finding a TV to bring home she would rip open the box and mount her new conquest proudly on the wall, right? Wrong. The TV stays in the box for two weeks straight. During this time the research process begins again. Seems a little extra right? I mean two weeks?? It is a Sony…a trusted household brand. And a 32’ flat screen is nothing to sneeze at, especially in an apartment bedroom. Well, turns out on her second week of research she finds an ad for another TV at the same store, maybe $50 more, but this one is 40” and has 1080p. As you may have guessed, the process is begins yet again. She returns the 32”, purchases the 40”and yes, it stays in the box…for two weeks. But fortunately, after her two weeks of consulting the experts and surfing the web, my roomie finally hung her 40” on her wall Christmas morning and has been completely happy ever since…at least in regards to her TV. Lol
The moral of the story is, when you’re out there looking for love there will be a lot of factors that may make you want to rush into things. Maybe you’ve been without…”TV” for a really long time. Or maybe you feel like everyone else is snatching up all the good “TVs” so you’re willing to settle for one that’s decent…but not what you really want. Don’t be so quick to get a man that you don’t take the time to get to know who he really is before you make that commitment (emotionally, intimately, etc)…keep him “in the box” for a while to find out what he’s really about. I guarantee a little patience pays off;)
Until next time loves!
Xoxo
Elise
AllsFairNLove@gmail.com
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
New Year Love
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Cheaters Never Prosper
I hope yall had a lovely Labor Day;) I really couldn't have asked for a better one myself. I spent it with almost everyone who is near and dear to me. But alas, all things must come to an end, right? Tuesday I found myself on the connector, smack-dab in the middle of rush hour!! All my CDs are at home and no one is answering the phone...and to add to my misery, the only thing that's half worth listening to on the radio is the Michael Baisden show. For any of you that know me, you know that at this point I'm contemplating running out into oncoming traffic...if only it were moving faster than 5 miles an hour!
Okay, so you might be wondering why I dislike Michael Basden so much. Well to be honest...I think he's a douche. His view points on love, sex, and relationships are severely skewed and he always seems to have this pompous/pretentious way of talking to or about people who have different views or stronger values about marriage, love, and sex. Many times he talks about cheating on his show, and Tuesday was one of those days.
Surprisingly, he brings up a very interesting topic. He makes a comment that in his opinion, women are more forgiving when it comes to cheating spouses than men are. At first I didn't know how to take that. Is he saying we are weaker and more needy, therefore we easily disregard our mates infidelity? Or is he saying that in fact women are stronger and can move passed a bruised ego if the relationship is worth fighting for? Hell, it may be both! But what that got me thinking about is the difference between a man cheating and a woman cheating. I've had this discussion many time and have seen both scenarios played out in front of me; and from my experience I would have to say there is a difference...generally speaking.
When men cheat it typically has nothing to do with where their heart is, and more so with where his head is...if you catch my drift. There really are only 3 factors that play in a man's likelihood of cheating; 1) The probability of getting caught, 2) The uniqueness or rarity of the "other woman", and 3) impaired judgment brought on by outside substances or environment. For example, if you and all your friends and family live in Idaho and your boyfriend goes on a business trip to Sidney where he meets Beyonce and they both get super drunk and Beyonce starts coming on to him, the likelihood of him cheating is like 90% (even though the likelihood of that scenario ever happening is like .2%).
Now I'm not saying if your guy finds himself in that kind of situation he will cheat. Because there is something that trumps all of that. If your man is at point in his life where cheating does not appeal to him and he is of sound character, all those factors could be at play and he would never cheat. My point is, either way, whether he cheats or doesn't, it generally has little to do with how much he loves you. Thus making it easier for some women to forgive them.
On the other hand, there are fewer instances of women cheating without an emotional attachment. That's why statistically, when a woman cheats its most often an affair rather than a one night stand. You'll also find that while men can cheat with women who they may not find attractive, women most often cheat with men they consider more attractive (physically or in some other way) than their partner. They need some form of connection to whom they are being physical with, and its usually that connection that drives them to cheating in the first place. While there may only be 3 factors that contribute to why men cheat, the reasons for why women cheat are innumerable. Thus making it harder for men to forgive a cheating woman.
Personally, if I found out that my man had cheated on me, even if I knew it had nothing to do with his love for me, and even if I knew it was only one time, it would be a deal breaker. At this point in my life, its not about rather my man loves me, because I know he does; Its about his character and being on the same level a maturity in regards to our relationship. It also has to deal with respect. As you know, in any relationship, there has to be more than just love there in order to have a happy and successful life together. And if there is cheating involved, obviously something very important is missing.
What do yall think? Is there a difference between men and women cheating? Do women forgive easier than men? Hmmmmmm. LOL
Until next time...remember, Alls Fair In Love,
xoxo
Elise Alls
AllsFairNLove@gmail.com